Child Sexual Abuse & An Open Secret (doc)

While responding to a video in regards to the Jehovah Witness possible child sex ring***, etc. I shared something I know, yet had hidden away in my memories; that of the lack thereof, of those within the psychology fields, of handing over said abusers to law enforcement.

I spent a great deal of my childhood locked away in NYS rehabs (four winds, arms acres, st. vincent's, etc), a behavioral modification school (Amity in italy), and a halfway house in chippewa falls, WI. I was sent to most, for being, "on the pot!," with the exceptions of four winds, and then amity, as I was sent to those in succession for running away from my home when I was 14.  The rest were subsequent.  ***

ALL of those places mentioned above, were FILLED, PRIMARILY WITH ADOLESCENTS.  Adolescents who had been sexually abused in their childhoods, and usually, in their homes.  These things would come out within group therapy sessions, and for the most part, I believed them all.  There were a few at Amity who I feel, were pressured into saying it, being as we'd be locked in a room, on the other side of the ocean, indefinitely until they, "cracked." But the rest, my gut told me then, and now, that these kids were telling the truth.

NOW, NEVER, DID I ONCE SEE LEGAL CHARGES BROUGHT FORTH AGAINST SAID ACCUSED.  NOT ONCE.  And to make matters worse, the accused would often come around whichever campus we were on!  Even sadder, at these places within the United States, IF a kid would act out, have a freak out, etc., which can be common, WHEN NO ONE IS LISTENING TO YOU, you can bet the staff would call law enforcement, adding more trouble onto to an already troubled child's life. 

OK> some food for thought, CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE WASN'T EVEN A, "THING," UNTIL THE 1970's.  Just think about that for a moment.  

Finally, here's a link to the documentary film, An Open Secret (about the pedophlia problem plaguing hollywood).

https://vimeo.com/142444429

Have a good day.

*** I became a "druggie," after leaving these places - so, 18+, and a heroin addict, 20+, though sober since the ages of 24/25.  My mentality/logic, at that time had been, why not become all the things I've been labeled, AND, I did, want to try to die.  Dio Mio!  My adolescence is probably why I embrace the aging process now!!! For, it is nothing short of a miracle that I'm alive, after having such idiotic thought processes as a youngster, lol.

*** there were often Jehovah Witness kids in the NYS rehabs, and with what they'd share, this news of child sex rings within their church, is not a surprise.

BLESSINGS! 

A Moment of Therapy: Sex Assaults, and on the Young (w/added thought)

With all of the hoopla coming out currently about the highly, sexual atmosphere of Hollywood, and elsewhere, really, I've found myself reading headlines, and thinking, of how many similar situations I had been in myself.  I had also found myself getting slightly irritated that most of the cases involved women who quite honestly, should've known better (don't get offended, and let me explain).

Several months ago, I was thinking to myself, that it had probably been safer for me, in the long run, to have abandoned the world of the, "elite," at the prime age (18) and instead, taking refuge on the street.  At that time,  as I was reflecting, I was thinking only in terms of, being put, putting myself in a situation where I couldn't have run away, and sought help (i.e.: a secluded estate, vs the city street), because, God knows, I would've (put myself in such a situation).  I wasn't even thinking of terms of, putting myself in situations for 'bettering myself," (i.e.: fame, a job, etc.), because at that age, when I left the, "civilized world," I just wanted to party, or get fucked up (drugged out of my mind), and whichever road got me there, I was in, on it.

Which brings me to the current situation.  I was getting angry because I would compare the women coming out about Weinstein, to the kids, being put into a situation where they didn't have a choice.  The abuse, was survival. Such as what happened to me at my boarding school (which was in Italy, therefor I was physically isolated from family, as well as what little communication was allowed with them; letters, phone calls, even visits, were all monitored).  I played the game.  The headmaster never, physically sexually assaulted me, however, I was ordered by him, to, "break in," an 18 year old virgin, and then tell him all about our weekend of, "fucking like rabbits.:  I had to do this, in his apartment, sitting on his lap, while he was in an open robe, with his boxers on and penis slipping out.  Of course, at that time, I knew that was inappropriate, especially in a school which thrived on expelling, "unacceptable behavior."  Nonetheless, I played the game.  I was 15, 16 years old.

However, two headlines struck me today, and one, brought up for me how one, "teacher," from this same boarding school, would lend this 18 year old virgin and me, his apartment, and hotel rooms for us to have sex in.  Something, which only now, do I realized how, unacceptable that was too.  This led me to think about, and REALIZE, that my barometer of what was acceptable for my body was askew.  And why?   My issues with lack of self worth began with my adopted father.  And, it was that initial bout of having my body violated as a nine year old, THAT ONE TIME, as that is all I remember, (though it is documented, as I began wetting the bed, which led my mother to get my a psychiatrist), that fucked me up so.  Actually, so much more than I had realized.

But here's my point; that sole indiscretion on my adopted father's part, fucked me up so much, subconsciously, that for the next fifteen or more years, I had lost what an acceptable barometer was for how men treated me and my body! For the second headline today was in reference to another celeb who had a propensity for having sex with women who were passed out.  That was how I met my youngest daughters father!  Something which although DID repulse me, yet I accepted being as I felt I didn't matter.

Now I am bringing this all up, because I mentioned to my youngest daughter about that celeb, because I was on the fence of whether charges should be brought now.  The fence being; the person who did that to me, my youngest daughter's father, went on to rape her too.  Something, that wouldn't have happened if I had felt I was worth more.

And then she and I were discussing this, discussing how even would pursuing criminal charges be worth it to the victims now?  Or would it be better to forgive, not forget.  Meaning,  letting go of the anger, for the perps.  It's so hard to say.

I'd like to add that I didn't get that, "barometer," until I had my kids.  And it was still, only for them.  I couldn't allow things to happen to them, that happened to me.  They weren't like me.  They were and are, worth more than gold.  So when my daughter was being harmed, I went balls to the wall, and fought for her safety like a mother should.  Yet, it almost killed me.  For, fighting this, sex crimes against a child, children, legally - it's a nightmare.  The law is not on your side.  The cops may be, but not the people in the courtroom.  (added thought: my daughter is strong, confident now, and nothing like I was.  I know, she wouldn't be mad if Dexter dealt with her father, but I'm not sure if she'd want to go through the court, trying for justice, again.  The important thing is, she IS not on a self destructive path because, in my honest opinion, what happened to her, it was ACKNOWLEDGED.  Thus, DON'T SHUT UP- about it, men, women and children.  PLEASE.  Talking about it, will heal you.)

Anyway, I hope the rest comes out.  Everyone says marijuana, booze, jeez, sniffing pixi stixs are the, "gateways," to drugs.  NO!  I say, being sexually violated as a child is.

Go get 'em.

GODBLESS

***ADDED THOUGHT*** 11/11/17

I started watching the show, Blue, with Julia Styles on Vudu, and wanted to share, that if anyone wants to see a great depiction of the result of having your body violated as a child, (16 and under, for sure), she does a great job at it.


Have a good day!