I realized something yesterday, while talking with a friend. I am Very tidy, exceptionally neat, clean. Some would say, OCD'ish, but they didn't know or see me back in the beginning of the millennium when I truly was. I've mellowed, though still MUST clean the house every night, to the point where I can wake up and feel as if the maid just left. As I know, this is the basis of my functioning, well. However, I wasn't always like this.
As a child, I never had to do anything, we had a maid. And as I aged, my mother, trying to teach us kids responsibility, refused her access to our rooms, hoping that we'd keep them clean. I never did. Clothes would be strewn across the room. I, in truth, only learned how to make a bed when I was 14 and sent to Four Winds, where I was forced to learn how to make a bed, and make a bed well. Sloppy, was not allowed.
From Four Winds, I was shipped, no, actually dropped off in Italy at the Amity School, where I had to learn how to mop, vacuum, wash dishes, chit - lay block/brick, lay stone patios, RAKE (lol, amity survivors will understand that, especially if you ran away, LOL). At Amity, we learned how to clean, as we had to, daily. And it was fun. I actually took that and used the same techniques with my own kids, the Saturday serious cleanings, daily chores, etc.. Also, as I've mentioned on this blog before, cleaning, can be Very therapeutic, and maintaining a clean environment has played a HUGE role in my being sober for almost twenty years (along with being honest. They go hand in hand). BUT AS I SAID, I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS.
That leads me to something I thought of, connected really, yesterday. I can remember when I made the final "flip," to who I am now. I was living in Sarasota, Fla, just before I moved here, to PA, and I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. We were living in a semi-gross home, across from the bridge to go to Siesta Key, and one day, I had enough of the filth in the bathroom and went at it (the rest is history). I mentally, changed my behavioral pattern, of allowing mess, even for a moment. Here's the weird part, before, throughout my whole life, up until about 2000, many considered me an artist. I could sketch exact replicas of people's faces, other artists work (Botticelli, ect.), paint with oils, mold, everything, write poetry. Truly, with no exaggeration, I was creative and good at creating. NOW, and since 2000, I cannot do chit. As if my hand cannot even hold a pencil. I've tried, and still try, but it's awful. I always chalked it up to the possibility that I gave myself a stroke, when I was a druggie (true story, even though people laugh at me whenever I share it), but yesterday, as my friend and I were discussing it, because other mom's with a young kid, or kids, usually have somewhat messy houses and mine isn't, so it's noticeable, we were thinking, maybe I had to literally shut off a part of my brain, the creative part, in order to keep a conformity up, alive. I don't know if I am explaining it as I wish.
The part of my brain that was creative, wouldn't have been involved or cared about ORDER in my surroundings, just in creating, and when I became obsessed with creating order within my surroundings, possibly, that part of my brain which creates the drive for order, HAD to overtake the creative part of my brain.
Trippy. Who knows what would happen if I could afford a housekeeper! Nevertheless, my children are all very artistic, especially the "book-ends." So maybe, like my looks, I gave it away to them. ;)
Have a Blessed day!
**** Off topic, NEED PRAYERS, good energy, etc. I just found out our landlord has listed our house, and will start to have it shown, next week! I am a germaphobe! Please pray for me, that it sells first shot, In Jesus' Name, I pray, and, that WE find a glorious new house, again, In Jesus' Name, I PRAY
As a child, I never had to do anything, we had a maid. And as I aged, my mother, trying to teach us kids responsibility, refused her access to our rooms, hoping that we'd keep them clean. I never did. Clothes would be strewn across the room. I, in truth, only learned how to make a bed when I was 14 and sent to Four Winds, where I was forced to learn how to make a bed, and make a bed well. Sloppy, was not allowed.
That leads me to something I thought of, connected really, yesterday. I can remember when I made the final "flip," to who I am now. I was living in Sarasota, Fla, just before I moved here, to PA, and I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. We were living in a semi-gross home, across from the bridge to go to Siesta Key, and one day, I had enough of the filth in the bathroom and went at it (the rest is history). I mentally, changed my behavioral pattern, of allowing mess, even for a moment. Here's the weird part, before, throughout my whole life, up until about 2000, many considered me an artist. I could sketch exact replicas of people's faces, other artists work (Botticelli, ect.), paint with oils, mold, everything, write poetry. Truly, with no exaggeration, I was creative and good at creating. NOW, and since 2000, I cannot do chit. As if my hand cannot even hold a pencil. I've tried, and still try, but it's awful. I always chalked it up to the possibility that I gave myself a stroke, when I was a druggie (true story, even though people laugh at me whenever I share it), but yesterday, as my friend and I were discussing it, because other mom's with a young kid, or kids, usually have somewhat messy houses and mine isn't, so it's noticeable, we were thinking, maybe I had to literally shut off a part of my brain, the creative part, in order to keep a conformity up, alive. I don't know if I am explaining it as I wish.
The part of my brain that was creative, wouldn't have been involved or cared about ORDER in my surroundings, just in creating, and when I became obsessed with creating order within my surroundings, possibly, that part of my brain which creates the drive for order, HAD to overtake the creative part of my brain.
Trippy. Who knows what would happen if I could afford a housekeeper! Nevertheless, my children are all very artistic, especially the "book-ends." So maybe, like my looks, I gave it away to them. ;)
Have a Blessed day!
**** Off topic, NEED PRAYERS, good energy, etc. I just found out our landlord has listed our house, and will start to have it shown, next week! I am a germaphobe! Please pray for me, that it sells first shot, In Jesus' Name, I pray, and, that WE find a glorious new house, again, In Jesus' Name, I PRAY
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